Motherhood

Well, I am officially a mom. It has been wonderful, challenging, scary, and tiring. But it has brought me an amount of joy and happiness that I didn't know I could have. I read some books and felt like I was pretty prepared for having a baby. Although I didn't have much experience with newborns, I was up to the challenge and figured it couldn't be that hard.
I was pretty much completely wrong to think I was even a little bit prepared for what having a baby and taking care of him actually means. There are no breaks, no holidays, no lunch breaks or time off. It is literally a 24 hours a day, 7 days a week job. I have never worked as hard as I have in taking care of Ethan.
When he was first born, he had jaundice and he had to be in an incubator for 48 hours straight. It was really difficult to have to not be able to hold him since we had just brought him home. Thankfully, they brought the incubator to our house, so at least I could take him out to breastfeed and change his diapers myself and not leave him in the hospital.
After that was all over, it seems he was not gaining weight as quickly as my pediatrician wanted, so I had to start supplementing with formula. I was really disappointed that I was not able to produce enough to just breastfeed. I did not like having to deal with formula and cleaning bottles all day. That alone was a full time job keeping enough bottles clean for each feeding. But we got through it and he finally started gaining weight!
Then, I had to go back to work to give my two week notice, he was not happy when I would try to breastfeed him when I got home. He had gotten used to the ease of the bottle and it was a fight every night to get him to breastfeed. When I was finally done working and able to stay at home, I thought it would take a while, but I was sure I would still be able to get him to breastfeed. I was wrong. He was not having it at all! Every meal time was a battle! He was crying, I was crying and eventually I gave in and gave him a bottle. I decided to pump so he could at least have the nutrition he needed.
I have finally given up pumping because it was damaging my "sensitive areas" and I just couldn't take being in pain all the time!
Even though it has been a lot of challenges, I am looking forward to having more kids!
He is the cutest, sweetest little boy, and I am so excited to get to see his personality as he gets older!!

Pregnancy

It has been quite a while since I have posted a blog, so I thought I would write a little. But I don't have much time and I'm not sure what to talk about. Obviously the most exciting thing that's going on in my life right now is that we are pregnant!
I am almost to my third trimester, which doesn't seem possible right now! The first three months seemed to take forever because I didn't feel good all day every day. But the second three months have been so much more fun! Getting to find out we are having a boy and celebrating with my family during Thanksgiving when we shared the news!
I think I am now entering the anxious phase in knowing that I'm going to go into labor and have to push this baby out! But I still have some time to come to grips with it, so I try not to dwell on those thoughts for too long. :)

Direction

Over the few years that Kris and I have been married, we have wanted so badly to be in full time ministry. Our desire is to serve God and people. We have searched the internet trying to figure out where God wants us and if He wanted us to move, we were willing to do so!
I wanted him to visit a church I had been to before and we both fell in love with it the first weekend that we visited. We knew that God had called us there! But time went by and there had not been any opportunities for us to be part of the staff at the church. That was really where we wanted to be and we both thought that it was only a matter of time before there was a spot for us.
We have attended now for 2 1/2 years and still love it, but still no spot has opened up for us.
A few weeks ago, two of the worship pastors spoke a word into our lives saying that God had not skipped over us! It was such an awesome night knowing that God still cares about our thoughts and desires! We continue to be faithful and we know that whatever happens, we are in the right place! I am excited to find out all the great things that are in store for us!!

3rd Update on Dad

My dad went in yesterday to get his catheter out and he was unable to urinate. They think there is some kind of blockage due possibly to scar tissue. So he had to have another surgery last night to put a tube directly into his bladder.
Seems like things just keep popping up causing more trouble for him. Please keep him in your prayers.
He is finally back at his house which is close to his sister, so she will be able to help take care of him when the need arises.
He will be seeing his urologist to figure out the extent of the damage to the urethra, hopefully it's nothing serious that is fixable so it isn't permanent!

When do you know....

I guess this is an age old question for most people needing to make decisions. When do you know when it's time?
It's a difficult one to answer for me. Usually, when I have a big decision to make, I spend time talking to God to let him know what's going on. I know he already knows, but just like a father, I want him to know that I need his help. Most of the time, I have no problem deciding which direction to take, but recently I'm not sure what to do.
I prayed for my husband a long time before I ever knew who he was. When he finally arrived in my life, there was no question in my mind that he was THE ONE! Once I met him, I didn't have to pray and wonder and ask God what I should do. My heart and my husband's heart just connected and we knew God has placed us together for His purposes! Easy decision for me.
Going to bible school wasn't a difficult decision for me, I just felt an urging from God that this was the place I was supposed to be. I met so many Godly, amazing people there and I feel like it's changed my life! That was an easy decision.
When Kris and I were trying to decide where to live, we just happened upon some great apartments at an amazing price and jumped at the opportunity. Easy decision.
Once we lived there for 2 years we decided it was time to move out closer to our church, this was not an easy process trying to figure out what we could afford and where exactly we wanted to live. Kris is working in McKinney, I am working in Las Colinas. So we were trying to find something that was in the middle of the two. We figured that Kris could easily find a job closer to mine so we would both be working on this side of town. That hasn't happened. So, now I'm wondering if we should have moved out here in the first place. We didn't really pray about it, we just jumped into it.
I pretty much did the same thing with my job. I felt God tell me that I wouldn't like it. But I was out of work and needed it! So I took it. And now I don't like it. :(
So now I feel like it's time to fast and pray and figure out the next steps God has for us. I love being close to our church so we can be more involved. And I really like living on this side of Dallas. But I want to be where God wants us.
And I also want to start a family soon. That's probably the most difficult decision for us. When, Lord, when?? My body is pretty much screaming at me that it's time. But I just don't feel like Kris and I are ready for that step.
I'm praying for God's guidance and wisdom to move us into the right direction.

Update on Dad

I was able to spend some time with my dad over the weekend so I thought I would share how he is doing.
The first week after his surgery was pretty rough with getting the pain under control and having all kinds of tubes coming out of his body.
At this point, he has a catheter along with the colostomy bag that he has to mess with, but he's enjoying not having to go to the bathroom right now! :) His pain is finally subsiding and he was back to his normal self. I think he is still on some pain medication because there were a few things he said that didn't make any sense. But that's my dad!
Anyway, he is still staying out at Julie's house for the rest of this week and plans on going back to work next Monday if he is feeling well enough to do so.
I really appreciate every one's prayers over the past several months. It's great knowing we have a circle of friends all over the country!

My passion

Recently, my husband bought a book that we are reading together. It talks about having a personal relationship with Jesus instead of relying on your pastor or someone else's experience. I realized at one point that all of the bible stories I know now are only because of going to Sunday school when I was little. When I acutally attended a bible school, I started reading my bible more and read all these stories for myself. I remember some of the details I always thought were true weren't even in the story at all. It was just the teacher trying to make it more exciting or memorable for kids.
So we were reading this book, and at the end of the chapters there are discussion questions. The book asks if you have ever relied on someone else for revelation from God. I think most people would say yes, and I know I have. After we went through the questions, my husband started praying. As we sat on our couch praying, I saw a vision of a small child sitting on a blanket in our living room. He was probably the age of the child we would have had if I had not miscarried. So there are tears in my eyes and the vision goes away. Then I see Jesus with his arms reaching out calling to me to come to him, to come closer. It was like He was almost begging me. Of course, that brought tears to my eyes as well. And my husband finished praying and it was supposed to be my turn, but I couldn't even talk.
It wasn't until later that I realized both visions were connected. The way Jesus was calling me was just like a parent reaching for their child when they are learning to take their first steps. So I realized Jesus was reaching out for me to take those steps towards him so he could tell me that He loved me.
It's pretty amazing to me that God takes the time to reach out to each one of His kids to let them know He listens and cares about our lives!!